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Tuesday, 13 December 2011

the after-supper coffee

so this is not the first time we've talked about marriage. the first time was during that blissful, sex-filled first year. you know how it is. we were so wrapped up in banging each other's brains out that we hadn't yet fully grasped what indescribable assholes we really were. 

that "engagement" {if that's what it even was}, was accompanied by a beautiful gold ring with not one, but 3 decent sized diamonds. that "engagement" was short-lived, however. human beings are usually at their dumbest when they spend a lot of time getting the brains banged out of them. so, eventually {and you know this if you've read 'the most fucked up love story in the world'} i realized that he was a degenerate asshole that i was slowly beginning to hate, and he realized that i was one coldhearted, vindictive bitch. our fights were bitter and cruel, and to this day i have no idea how we got through it. at the end of these brawls, i would invariably end shit by hurling my ring into his face, the woods, anywhere as long as it was away from my finger. eventually, he would return when i had cooled off, and we would have make-up sex or just hate-fuck the brains out of each other until we were too exhausted to even remember what the original fight was about. but inevitably, he got sick of having this symbol of his love thrown in his face or on the ground like a piece of trash. one night, he just picked it up and left. i never did see that ring again, but he did give me half of the money from selling it.

after the sale of the ring, we were both on eggshells around each other. neither of us thought it would last much longer. then i found out i was pregnant. it brought us together at what almost was the very end of "us". he transformed into this considerate, attentive, and gentle man that would not so much as allow me to lift a bag of bread. 

in the past 8 years, i've given him 3 children. i've watched him grow from an insensitive and selfish manchild into the amazingly selfless father and BF that he is today. it hasn't all been perfect. we still fight. i still bitch. he still drops his nasty gym socks on the floor. but it's different.

the fights aren't so bitter. the makeup sex is better, sweeter. we don't hate-fuck anymore. after being with him for 8 years, being through hell and back just for the sake of this little family, i learned to let go of the little annoyances. i learned to compromise. and i learned how not to get my panties in a fucking wad over something he's been doing all of his life, and probably will keep doing until he's old and gray. he's learned a lot too. he's learned that the world does not revolve around him, that walking away from shit does not make it better, and that it's ok to talk about feelings.

but even through all of this, after the first "engagement", i always assumed that marriage just didn't seem to fit into our future. even last year, at my brother's wedding, when one of the groomsmen jokingly pointed our way {we were a little tipsy, making out in the corner} and said, "you guys are next!" i just shrugged it off. "nahh, i'm never gettin married," is what i said. 

but now, it seems we've reached our Kind of Happy Place. we argue once a month {so i have ovaries, shoot me}, but the big intense screaming matches just don't happen any more. we kiss and cuddle a lot, and have been steadily renewing our rep as the most nauseating couple on the rez. 

despite all of these welcome changes and adjustments, when he asked me THE QUESTION last night, i was completely taken by surprise. it came, not accompanied by a sparkling ring, but with our customary after-supper coffee. there were no theatrics, no getting down on one fucking knee. just us, his hand over mine on the coffee cup. he looked momentarily crushed when i was unable to say anything for a whole minute, but his smile when i said yes could rival the sun for radiance. we hugged and kissed and almost cried... until one of the boys popped into the kitchen, saw us, and ran out screaming, "YOU GUYS ARE GROSS!!"

so here i am: 8 years older and wiser, saying yes to a proposal that comes not from a bad boy that i'm in lust with, but from the man that i've watched emerge from the wreckage of drugs and crime to become the best lover, companion, and father in the world. this proposal didn't come with a shiny ring {but you better believe i will be getting one of those eventually!!}, it came with one of the mundane parts of my life that i have come to love even more-the after-supper coffee. 


  1. LOVE!! Not just the ending but the beginning and middle too!!! GREAT work; mature thinking--great writing!!!!

  2. thank you el. means the world coming from you :)

  3. This just gave me a whole new perspective on seemingly ended relationships. Thank you :)

  4. oh doll face! congratulations. I love a good, realistic love story. It's so much better when you have earned it. you have earned it, both of you.

  5. Love love love!!! So happy for you!!!

  6. Beautiful!!! Real love is like that. Congrats!

  7. thank you all for the beautiful comments :)
    i'm still floating around like a silly little twat, despite the cramps.. lol