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Monday, 23 January 2012

turning a ho into a housewife

for the purpose of this blog, i will be using the following definition of ho from "a woman who uses her body...for material gain or to boost her own ego."

k, everyone all clear? alright, brace yourselves. i, the ranting kitchen bitch that you have come to know and love {i hope!}, was once a HO. while i never did straight out prostitution, i did bang a lot of guys. i'll explain why. 

you see, i used to be a fat girl. i was obese all through junior high. around the time i discovered weed and alcohol, i discovered anorexia as well.

of course, once the weight came off, i was suddenly visible to all the boys that had once ignored me. rather than enjoying this new attention, i was terrified. you see, despite my new figure, i was still that shy and insecure girl inside. as a result, i made a lot of bad choices. i didn't respect my own body, and would do ANYTHING to please ANY guy who so much as gave me the time of day. add in some substance abuse issues, and you can see that i was one motherfucker of a trainwreck.

fast forward 10 years. i am now a stay at home mom of 3 lovely children, and i have been with my darling {yet frequently infuriating} BF for 8 years. i am living proof that a ho can be a housewife.. a fucking damn good one too, if i may say so myself.

hey hey HEY! get the fuck back here and stop texting that skank!! i am NOT finished. 

FIRST OF ALL, not just ANY little slutmuffin that you pick up at the bar after she's finished blowing chunks on the dance floor can make this transformation. SECONDLY, not all chicks want settle down with one guy. some of my bitches just wanna have some fun. you know these chicks.. get in, get {me} off, get the FUCK out so i can watch my shows and fart whenever the fuck i want. last, but by no means least, not all of the undomesticated sex kittens out there are fucked in the head with issues like mine. some of them just like the cock, and lots of it. and there's nothing wrong with that. 

i guess what i'm trying to say is that there are perfectly valid reasons to be promiscuous, provided you respect yourself, be safe, and are doing it for YOUR pleasure. needless to say, i was doing it wrong. until BF came along, of course. following, you will find my theories on how he turned a ho {the kind that i was} into a housewife:

1. don't just fuck her, make love to her. {unless she's in the mood for a fuck}

2. help her see that her body is a beautiful thing, to be respected and worshipped for its power to give pleasure and life, not just a prop for the pleasure of others.

3. encourage her to voice her needs in bed, and make sure she has an orgasm first. some of us haven't discovered how much pleasure our bodies can bring us, after years of using it solely for the pleasure of others.