suck my dick saturday

yeah, yeah.. i fucking know. i was all about the sexy saturday, and trying to find some good in every day, or at least every week. i posted that shit too early, man, because as of RIGHT NOW, saturday can suck my big, sweaty, imaginary dick. and saturday better fucking swallow instead of gagging like a little bitch. 


i'll warn you now, this post will NOT be filled with rainbows, gumdrops, OR fucking candy-shitting unicorns. this is just me on a sleep-deprived, caffeine-fuelled bitch-a-thon. 

rather than feeling the sexy saturday vibes, i feel and look more like that bitch to the right. to be honest, even that bitch is having a better hair day than i am. this is all the result of #3's completely FUCKED sleep schedule. she's barely napping anymore, and when she does, she stays up til at least 2am. and when she doesn't, she wakes up too early. WTF?! 
anywho, the little fucker darling woke up at 4:30am this morning, and refused to go back to sleep or even relax with a movie. she was all, "oh let's play with toys and fuck shit up even though you look like shit mom!!" after a couple attempts at getting her to simmer the hell down, i gave up. no way did i have the energy for her go to sleep ritual!! by then it was 6:30am so i decided to put the coffee on. after doing a quick run-through the upstairs to make sure it was devil child-proof, i snuck out onto the back porch for a cigarette, in hopes that the combination of nicotine and cold winter air would wake me up a little. by the time i came in, the coffee was done brewing. I CAN DO THIS, i thought. while pouring my coffee, i happened to glance into the living room to see the little fart factory sprawled on the couch, ASLEEP. FFFUUUUUUUCCCKKKKK!!! now what?! i want to go to sleep, but there's a fresh pot on!! i had a cup or two, only to fall asleep slumped over on the couch. and as if the stiff neck wasn't enough of an all-consuming JOY to wake up to about an hour later, i took a sippy cup to the face from #3 herself. THEN, when i finally stumbled my way into the kitchen, i discovered that some ABSOLUTELY FUCKING WONDERFUL SOUL had decided to drink the rest of the coffee. GOOD TIMES!!


the rest of the morning passed without incident, other than the occasional moan, fart, or cough from the bedroom, where BF was quarantined with a terrible case of the man-cold. i might add at this point that i had slept poorly all night even before #3 got up, because of his snoring and groaning in discomfort every fucking hour. another point for pondering: this is the SAME FUCKING COLD that i have had for the past couple of days, and this fucking sentence is the first time i've mentioned it, online or otherwise. fucking men. i've said it before, and this will probably not be the last time i express this same sentiment: THEY SHOULD ALL BE KEPT ON A FARM SOMEWHERE AND RELEASED ONLY FOR RECREATIONAL AND REPRODUCTIVE PURPOSES!! .. except for the gay men, they can stay and chill with us.


the usually scheduled time for #3's nap came and went, without so much as a yawn. i did try once to get her to at least rest for a bit, but it just wasn't happening. i should have tried harder, because by 4pm, she was a miserable, shrieking wreck. and another thing that always occurs around this time every day is the INSANE increase in the boys' energy levels. and of course, all of their winter gear is in the wash to get ready for school on monday, so i can't just boot them out. i spent the next hour pleading with them {#2 in particular} to stop screaming and jumping and fighting so that i could get #3 to snooze for at least an hour. my pleas fell on deaf ears, so both boys earned an extended time-out to be spent cleaning their rooms. #3 finally fell asleep. she's actually laying on the couch beside me, and still wearing the evil little scowl she fell asleep with. while i'm happy that she's asleep, i know it won't last much longer, since the boys are forgetting their inside voices already. but that's ok, because i am in no shape to stay up into the wee hours entertaining this little bugger, as frightening cute as she may be.


and that, my darlings, i why saturday {THIS ONE anyway} can suck my dick.