SEXY SATURDAY **World Premiere**

so, i've been inspired by a few of the blogs i follow in that some have a day each week where they list things they love or are greatful for. seems like a good way to help me to see the good in every week. but which day? and what title? Things I Love Thursdays and Faceless/Fuck off Fridays are taken.. no fucking way i'd attempt to shove positive bullshit down your throats on a monday, tuesdays are usually busy for me, and wednesday.. well wednesday just doesn't sound fun. so here we are on saturday. saturday is fucking awesome {unless you got drunk last night lol}, everyone is home in their jammies, and bras/pants are optional. fuck, as i'm pounding away here on my keyboard, i'm rocking a tank and short shorts. comfy as fuck, AND showing a bit of skin for BF's benefit. so here we go with my first installment of Sexy Saturday {HEY look i even capitalized the first letters!! so you know it's important!}.. and why sexy? well because when i feel good, i feel sexy.. and it has a ring to it.. and if the sexy saturday post has nothing sexy in it, it will be accompanied by a sexy pic, courtesy of the internets. or whatever.. i never told you that my posts would always make sense, did i? fuck off and read it, mmmkay?




Sexy Saturday #1

excuse me while i go hose myself down...
*drools*

look at that savage, sexy beast!! NOM NOM NOM!! now that just makes my day instantly better, and i hope you enjoy it too.


now, this being my first sexy saturday, i'm afraid i might struggle with finding much good in this week. maybe i'll get better at it as i do more. i hope so. well, i guess if you're readng this, then i must have.. because if i can't think of much, this sexy native and whatever assortment of typed words on this page will be forever exiled to the draft folder.. i pray for strength not to fail you, oh sexy brown man.. whew.. ok, here goes nothin..




SUNDAY
first day of the new year. whoop de fucking doo.. oh yeah, i said this was going to be GOOD things about my week right? ok, then we'll just not mention the horrible fight i had with BF. hmm.. good things, good things... oh, i have one! this is the first time i didn't start the first day of the year with a nasty hangover! {not counting the times i was pregnant, since staying home was involuntary} yay for me!!


MONDAY
i was still reeling from the fight, but BF did suck it up and apologize today. AND admitted he was wrong to do what he did. there might be hope for this one, as he NEVER does any of those things if he can help it. 


TUESDAY
omg GROCERIES!! had an awesome laugh and talk with a dear friend while she drove me to grab my food. we talked and laughed and screamed and bitched. it was an EPIC good time. i love her!!


WEDNESDAY
#3 became a "piss ninja" today, by not only indicating that she had to pee, but also by holding it in until we took her to the potty. yay for her!! and yay for me, for being just that much closer to the end of an 8 1/2 year stretch of buying diapers every week!! in honour of this momentous event, i declared a day-long celebration of piss which i dubbed ever-so-creatively as "piss day" on my fb page. fun was had by all, as i scoured the internets for anything hilarious and piss-related. bear grylls would have wept with joy.


THURSDAY
got off of my ass and went through the entire house on a germ genocide mission. i even stayed away from the computer for almost  an entire afternoon!! i was fucking EXHAUSTED after all of that though. BF ran me a hot bath and let me be for awhile so that i could read and do girly stuff.


FRIDAY
good times on the page today. turned a potentially shitty situation into something funny as hell, with the help of my followers of course!! it never ceases to amaze me how strangers connected only by the internet can be so understanding and kind... AND FUNNY!! omfg these people are just as crazy as me!! 


SATURDAY
god knows what this day will bring, seeing as how it's still pretty early. but you know what? i survived another fucking week, so there's that!! and i have my 3 beautiful children, a BF who i am KIND OF done hatin' on, and the snow outside is pretty. my motto for today? hmm.. how about this one: "all a person really needs is kids, coffee, and metallica."


this concludes Sexy Saturday for this week, and i hope i have good things to tell you about next week as well. have a lovely day, week, month, year, fucking CENTURY everyone!! and if shit gets rough, try your darnedest to find the funny in it XD 

uuuuuggghhhh omg i love conan!! <3

BF's "other women"

a lot of nights {or anytime we can escape from the children}, we get to talking. a lot of times about weird stuff. 


on one of these particular occasions, we got to the subject of infidelity. one of BF's friends had recently found facebook messages between his gf and another guy. i don't know exactly what these messages said, but she had basically been fucking around when she was supposed to be visiting family. so, we were discussing how badly infidelity, sexual or emotional {and yes, there is such a thing as an emotional affair!} can damage a relationship.


hugging his hard body close, i told him "i couldn't imagine cheating on you or ever being with anyone else. you are the best lover i've ever had, the best father in the world, and you're all that i need." he smiled that foolish smile that i love so much and kissed me back. then he said to me, "and i'd never cheat on you. because i've already got enough women, and i don't need any more."

before i could punch him, he was quick to explain exactly what he meant. apparently, over the years, he has come to believe that i am not just 1 woman, but several. so here it is, as best as i can explain it, the other women. 

1. THE DOMINATRIX
  apparently, this woman is both incredibly sexy and incredibly frightening. while she seems to appear most frequently with the help of budweiser, it is not unheard of for her to pop in unannounced on any random night {or day}, throw him down onto the nearest surface and have her way with him before leaving him panting, confused, and desperately fighting the urge to curl into the fetal position. she sometimes comes equipped with props like handcuffs and homemade whips, but often her nails, teeth, and open palms serve her quite well. this bitch is one of my faves.

2. THE SUPERWOMAN
  this chick is fucking amazing. she wakes up before anyone else and stealthily creeps about the house, packing lunches, cleaning, and basically just getting shit done. before the kids can even grasp what's happened, they're suddenly clean, fed, clothed, and on the bus scratching their heads. she goes through the house like an OCD/germ phobe tornado, and by the time BF wakes up, the place is so sparkling clean that it's almost unrecognizable. by the end of the day, she'll have an amazing supper fit for kings on the table, some new creation baking for dessert, and if BF has been lucky enough to have a day off, he will have benefited from multiple instances of spontaneous oral pleasure. this chick does not delegate any regular duties to BF, but rather encourages him to relax in front of the tv while she brings him snacks and periodically checks if he is ready for more oral pleasure. 

3. THE BITCH
  it's a good fucking thing this cunt only comes once a month. even that is too much. the kids seem to at least suspect her existence, because even though she rarely directs her sarcasm and anger toward them, they tend to stay out of her way. rather than fighting over toys or taking tantrums, they develop an uneasy truce for the length of the bitch's stay. and BF? well god help him if he so much as looks at her the wrong way, because she has one short motherfucker of a fuse. he's learned over the years to just keep his mouth shut when she's around, and get out of the house as soon as humanly possible. in the early years, he still didn't understand this woman, and has had multiple objects hurled at his head after provoking, and then pursuing an argument. 
this bitch can most easily be identified by a facial expression that BF calls the "eagle eye," which looks precisely the way it sounds.

4. THE ZOMBIE
  some months, this one comes in place of THE BITCH. most times, however, she comes after a specific incident. she's almost constantly on the verge of tears and spends most of her day on the couch or in bed, drinking coffee and sleeping when she can. she stays in her pjs and doesn't bother fixing her hair, because she has no intention of answering the door anyway. on these days, nothing around the house gets done except the absolute bare minimum.


now those are just a few of bf's "other women", as he calls them. and apparently, this is why he'll never need to cheat on me {other than the whole love thing, ya know}. he did provide examples of more, but they were all more or less variations of these 4. i guess it depends on the hormone/caffeine/nicotine levels which lovely lady will be the most prominent. whatever. this is probably the closest i will come to a partial understanding of the way his male brain works. oh gee, thanks for classifying me as a case of multiple personality disorder darling!! 


now, before anyone gets their drawers in a wad, i did not write this to poke fun at, or minimize the struggles of, anyone suffering from multiple personality disorder. this was merely an attempt to understand how a male brain interprets the behavior of a hormonal being such as myself. and i'm pretty sure he's not the only man out there that realizes the goddess that made his supper is not necessarily going to be the same loving creature he fell in love with every moment of every day. 


XD